I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
