well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Randomize
