I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Enjoy the penises
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