He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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