Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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