mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Randomize
