Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
