then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
