i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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