I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I didn't notice because vodka
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize