dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
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