apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize