I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Randomize
