Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
