I wanna passion pit in your ass
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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