just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
