What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
