i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
My pussy is not your playground.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
