And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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