guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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