Screwed.edu
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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