It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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