for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize