i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Randomize
