Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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