pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
