Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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