ADVERTISEMENT

• (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks

  Fav 11 3920 1106

  share tweet
  

• (831): View more from California

  just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf

  Fav 53 17478 1298

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer

  Fav 6 1438 739

  share tweet
  

• (478): View more from Georgia

  Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!

  Fav 10 1210 1088

  share tweet
  

• (705): View more from Ontario

  Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?

  Fav 20 3854 1245

  share tweet
  

• (772): View more from Florida

  I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.

  Fav 2 1174 743

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (775): View more from Nevada

  He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks

  Fav 3 838 581

  share tweet
  

• (513): View more from Ohio

  I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment

  Fav 1 700 505

  share tweet
  

• (248): View more from Michigan

  I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.

  Fav 1 1161 441

  share tweet
  

• (510): View more from California

  Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?

  Fav 3 560 384

  share tweet
  

• (248): View more from Michigan

  I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts

  Fav 1 49 6

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (920): View more from Wisconsin

  Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.

  Fav 0 18 37

  share tweet
  

• (386): View more from Florida

  If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.

  Fav 0 63 4

  share tweet
  

• (727): View more from Florida

  I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.

  Fav 0 48 14

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.

  Fav 0 111 15

  share tweet
  

Randomize