Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
