Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
