That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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