hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize