So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
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