I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
