I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Randomize
