He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Randomize
