the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
