you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
