Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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