Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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