everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
