Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
