Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
