She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
