please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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