I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Randomize
