I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize