Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
