But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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