Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I have post one night stand depression
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