1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
