They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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