once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
