she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
