Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
