he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Blood and glitter go together right?
My liver just had a heart attack.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Randomize
