Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
