Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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