Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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