I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
