Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Randomize
