You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
