Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
