grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize