is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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