I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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