I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
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