im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
