Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize