I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
