I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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