get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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