You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
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