just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
