He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
