..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
