I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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