I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
