Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
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