i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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