Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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