Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
