i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
