i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
