If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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