Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Randomize
