If that was your dad, he is hot
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
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