like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
