i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
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