Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
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