I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
