**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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