im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
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