You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
