The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
