Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
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