look no pants
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
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