i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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