Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Randomize
