we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
