i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
