You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
